Growing Old, Growing Pains

My husband’s going to turn thirty this year and I’m not very far from it either. For the past couple of years, we’ve noticed increasing aches and discomfort in our bodies, but most of the action happens in our left legs. We both think we wouldn’t mind losing our left legs as long as we get artificial replacement–surely that is better than constant pain, right?

These symptoms are probably just happening because we’re getting older. I’ve seen many doctors regarding my condition and had so many diagnostic workup done but until now I haven’t received a certain diagnosis. The last time I went to a doctor (which was last month) I was told to schedule an appointment ASAP if I notice a new swelling so they could get a biopsy in order to finally form a diagnosis.

It’s so ironic–like, I kind of want a swelling to happen already because I want to know what I have. But at the same time I’m afraid. I guess that’s normal.

And this week, my husband is finally seeing a specialist. His pain has gotten so bad he can’t even bend and squat because the pain was becoming unbearable.

I hope it’s not something very bad, whatever we both have.

Nothing like pain to make you aware of your own mortality.

This sounds so gloomy, but I’m actually feeling good right now. I think it’s just something that I’ve finally…accepted. That there are limits to everything. That you should take care of your body as best as you could. But in spite of it, someday we’re all gonna end up in the same spot.

And that’s okay.

Death is supposedly the one thing that gives life meaning.

Do you believe in that?

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