Fallacies and Utter Acrimony (and there’s a bit about Nails…)

I’m troubled by a very famous ideology; something that I suspect exists back to circa Adam and Eve. To better get the picture, here’s a question:

“Do you believe that there really is one person that is MEANT to be our partner in life? Say…a soulmate?”

The idea that people are halves of a set, like pieces of a two-piece jigsaw puzzle–or either of black and white, left and right, dark and light, dull and bright, whiskey and sprite–that one person existed in such a way that every strand of his/her emotional DNA is a perfect complement to yours is very, very comforting (or scary, depending on your degree of antisocial-ness).

Maybe the right word would be romantic?

Well…

I think I’d rather have it true because then, it would mean that no one of us is bound to live alone, and forever un-/misunderstood. It means that no one of us would die unloved.

But, alas, I see a lot of loopholes with the hole whole thing.

LOOPHOLES

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for thinking I’m just another cynical bitch.

But tell me, if soulmates exist, what happened to the other halves of people with a medical condition that gives them no choice but to face the world with the fronts of their heads a worse sight than a lump of turd in the middle of your newly washed bed sheets? To those of people born with a psychological condition that makes them unable to return feedback to our side of reality? To unborn fetuses’ other halves–are they meant to search (wait) their whole lives for people (do you call fetuses people?) already long gone? Was J. Aniston’s other half included in that population?

And how can you tell if a person is your soulmate anyway? Surely, it’s not “We’re the only people in the world at this very moment” movie stuff, no?

It’s got to be better than that.

If I could be a love god for a day, I would change some of those soulmate laws, starting with a decree that if people already meet their soulmates they would feel something super-ultra-extraordinary. Something that wouldn’t be possibly missed except for the idiot-est of idiots.

Something like this:

RICHLY IN LOVE

Sadly, excerpts from reality attest to nothing of that sort. On the contrary, most people who believe they have met their soulmates end up getting wasted in a bar, pregnant, or wanting to kill themselves a week or two, okay possibly a month later.

Why is it very difficult for us to sort out the right people in this love game? It’s like we’re kindergartens again, guessing who among the other snot-filled kids could possibly be our BFF only to end up being butchered by the small, scrawny kid who turns out to be the resident bully. Talk about appearances!

Then…there are always those who seem to have found the real thing. Couples who have been together for more than half a century and still give each other a peck in the morning and/or before they sleep.  Who hold hands at random times each day. Think of that Adam Sandler song.

Despite the wobbly knees and incompetent bladders, there IS something absolutely romantic with old people finding joy in the monotonous presence of the faces of their partners.

Perhaps it is because they are a living defiance against the crappy relationships we get ourselves tangled into? A proof that love could be more than just being a trophy partner, a foot rug, a safety net, a last resort, a practical economic need, a one-night stand, an express relationship, an always-friend-never-something-more., a punching bag, a walking ATM, and the other million variants that exist.

They are a  proof that it is possible to be happy in a relationship and continue doing so for a long while, a strand of white hair at a time.They are putting to life what we could only desire for ourselves.

And they make us happy, inspired, hopeful, envious, resentful, and self-pitying, all in that exact order.

Oh well.

OPEN MANHOLE

Perhaps soulmates exist. And even if they do, there’s always the possibility you might never find that person even if you live up to ninety. Or he/she could be who you’re presently in a relationship with, one with so many problems.  Who knows?

Nobody said that a relationship with your soulmate is bound to be perfect except perhaps your six-year old Disney-obsessed niece. Maybe instead of hoping/searching/waiting to find the right person for us we should work on being the right person for whomever we’re presently committed to instead of jumping from one messy relationship to another as the means of finding your other half.

Other half…

Maybe that’s where the idea falls short? With its implication that we are not whole as individuals, we wait for the “right” person to start working things out together instead of working on improving ourselves NOW. Maybe it’s not supposed to be like that. Maybe we should try to get the best out of life and send out the best of what we could to the world without waiting for anyone or anything.

Or I could only be full of the raw fish from last night.

I don’t know. I value my own individuality. I do, so much sometimes that even those closest to me could accuse me of being aloof.

But then again, there’s something very appealing, magnetic, romantic with the idea of someone who exists especially for you.

What do you believe in?

**************************************************************

I

  think

            you

                  should

                              watch

                 this.

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19 thoughts on “Fallacies and Utter Acrimony (and there’s a bit about Nails…)

  1. For sure soul mates are not real. You made a much more convincing argument here than I ever could have. I was wondering the other day, how many people actually do spend the majority of their life alone. I used to think everyone found someone, but I think in this era people don’t just get married for the sake of getting married. People are a lot more picky and will wait for perfection. The next thing they know, they’re 40 still trying to find their first long term relationship. The worst thing about it is there’s nothing wrong with them, really, other than a few personality flaws.

    I also think the idea of loving one person so strongly throughout your lifetime is a little…I don’t know the word for it. The point is I think it’s possible to love more than one person. People grow apart. People go in separate directions. People change. And the person who might be perfect for you may change every few years. It’s romantic for sure to think you’re so close to another person that you might be soul mates. On the other end, I know way too many adults who thought that way then they get to a certain age and realize they’re not as happy as they could be. But I also think the reason we all die one day is because we do enough evil to the point where we deserve it.

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    1. You absolutely rock my comment box.

      I rather agree with everything you said except that last line (I think we die because we have to). But aside from that, YES. I know too many people who either end up with the wrong one because they’re too afraid to be left out by the wagon and jump in too early, and the others who end up with no one at all because of their quest for perfection or a stability/looks/attitude combo. I blame checklists.
      And yes, I think it’s possible to love more than one person, too even though I’m not really a hundred percent sure what constitutes love. It’s just that we make a choice to stick with someone even though we deeply care for another person too, and I’m sure that’s what they call commitment. But I could be wrong. No, I’m really right. Love is the most confusing business there is after all since everyone could be wrong and right at the same time, it just depends on who’s looking and where s/he stands. And like all businesses, everyone should only mind their own (which is 99% NOT the case)–unless consulted, of course. 😉

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  2. The way I look at it, each one of us is a unique expression of Soul/Self/Source and, as such, we are already Soulmates. When my sweet husband came into my life almost a decade ago, via internet, I explained to him that I was already whole and happy; that it wasn’t his responsibility to make me anything; and that I was ready to share my journey and be happier with a partner. At 20, I definitely bought into the idea of being incomplete without a partner; at 50 I knew I’ve always been complete. I like the latter state of being more! xoxoM

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  3. This is an even more cynical route, but I’d also argue that relationships are actually quite about settling. (Gasp) That’s not so say one is not “in love,” but I hold that there’s always someone better out there and even someone better for us, but we end up making a pact with one of said people who we’re in love with and learn to ridiculously appreciate.

    Cynical perhaps, but I think those cute long-term couples are those who actually recognize the silly imperfections of our little love system, the strain it puts on us over time, and the recognitions necessary to keep the joys up. Maybe there are also those people who are just inhuman and thus perfect, but I think a lot goes on behind the scenes in the ones we tend idealize.

    So to me, the truth in this regard is dirty, but love is a little dirty to be beautiful.

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    1. Another profound commentary–thanks! Un-romantic as it may sound, but in that first paragraph you explained particularly my own stand about the idea of commitment. Perhaps that could be a good example that our choices could still be stronger than desires, although it wouldn’t be true to say there would be no more lingering frustrations once we made that pact. For in my experience I am still haunted by the “What Ifs”, sometimes in very inconvenient times. But it’s that or deal with the prospect of being alone, yes? I find the latter rather scary though. So yeah, commit we must.

      Perfection (e.g. soulmates), I think, is a paradox. But perhaps that is why we are so inclined to it, to that impossibility, because we try to find an escape from the strains of reality. Yes, we should really blame the love system hahaha. No, not really, we need a system after all, no matter how
      faulty, or else…or else.

      And to tweak that last line a bit, I think love is a LOT dirty. But it can still be terribly beautiful just the same (the eternal idealist, sorry) 😉

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  4. Oh our choices are massively stronger than our desires (or must be). Sex for instance. We males dont stare at cleavage because we’re evil and inconsiderate, we’re designed to! It just so happens thatour system gets pissed at us for doing so hah, so we choose otherwise.

    I’m daring more cynical, but once you throw in biology, history, and cultureI think it’s hard to not admit that so much of it is convention. But you’re absolutely right in that we do need some convention. And the meaning we attribute that convention (see I did say cynical but I still hold it true) becomes paramount.

    It’s our dirty song and dance, but it sure does pump us full of endorphins, security, and fuzzies!

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  5. Soul mates are a strange thing. I hear this phrase all the time because my parents are getting quite upset that I haven’t given them grandkids yet. The weird thing is if I suggest the concept of soulmates is grade A bullshit, they get really, reaaaally offended, like I just punched a small dog in front of them.
    There’s a lot of things we do in relationships that don’t really make a lot of sense to me. 85 percent of the pomp and circumstance behind weddings, for instance. I mean, if you love someone, do you really need to hold some kind of gigantic fake show to reiterate what everyone already knows for your friends and family? But ehhh, that’s a whole different topic.
    Here’s a science-y take on soul mates! XKCD is always a good read: http://what-if.xkcd.com/9/

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    1. Nyahaha, your parents are amusing! (And that might only be because I’m not in your shoes.) Marriage as gigantic fake shows–you should patent that one before the whole world actually wakes up from mass denial. Opened the link already, scrolled down the page, and I’m already smirking just with the illustrations. Now I must indulge. Thankeeyou!

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