I think I think too much. I think when I ought to be feeling. I think when I ought to be sleeping. I think about logical things and non sequiturs alike (sometimes simultaneously). I think I’m using my mind too much. I think I’m sounding like I’m trying to sound smart. But hey, I think I’m about to give my true enemies (potential and present) a fatal weapon to use against me one day.
[Pause, Jenn. Pause.]
What proceeds from hereon would be me entering the password to the account of my self-undoing. Haters, stop falling from your seats!
***
Have you ever thought about how you are so level-headed about everything it rather scares you? Like, have you ever seen yourself as the go-to person when your friends/acquaintances/family need sound advice on life? Like…always? I do. And honestly? It scares me.
I think I’m suffering from a case of Having Too Much Sense.
And why is that a bad thing? Aside from sounding like a self-proclaimed know-it-all, well it’s bad because I think I’m following the “right” path too much. I’m doing all the right things that maybe, just maybe, I’m missing out on something. You can’t be right all the time (yes, even you, clown)…right? There are people out there who think they always have the right opinions even though all they consider in tackling issues are not all the parties involved but just what would benefit them. Well, I know I’m not that kind. (Is the Irony Bell ringing louder by the second now?) I actually give honest advice after thinking through the matter and considering all parties involved–even if I may lose the approval of the one asking for advice. Yes, I guess it’s a good thing.
But why do I feel like I’m missing out on something?
Why do I have this urge to just shove sense aside and intentionally make “mistakes”? Is it my inner villain/troublemaker/Joker learning to assert itself? Or is this only a case of being young and confused (when, ironically, I just suggested I actually got the gist of it all)?
You know that saying “You are wiser beyond your years“? I happen to get that from others. A LOT. Really, that’s full truth. Aside from making me feel Yoda-esque, well (here it goes) I actually don’t like it! It makes me feel NOT normal, like, like a freak. Hey, no offense to freaks! I love you, guys…
BANG!
It. Just. Hit. Me. RIght. Now! Why…maybe having this abundance of Sense is my own freakuality. (Freak + Quality? Gettit?) Maybe having a good grasp of the things around me, affecting me, at the abominable age of 21 makes me NOT the little miss perfect I thought (and hated) I am. Because really, who has got their shit together at 21? Who says sensible things at 21? NO ONE! Because that isn’t supposed to be normal, right? I’ve even got a famous saying to back me up, ha! (Young people, go hate me now.)
But then again…I do. I do have lots of that good sense. Hate me for sounding like a stuck-up mother dog but really, I do. I may not like it most of the time, and yet it has made it possible for me to help a lot of people (and myself) get out or avoid going into various mess. AND it’s also my freakuality. So maybe…I’m actually starting to like it this time?
[Stop. Thinking. Already. IDIOT!]
***
Hmm.
That actually felt good.
Who said online journals suck?
happinessisnotadisease.wordpress.com 
Jenn,
I swear, you’re either a psychic, or you have access to my dashboard. I am writing a piece for this coming Thursday on opinions, and how they become the holy grail in some comment threads… How do you do it?
Le Clown
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It’s either we fall under the same branch in the Great Consciousness that Spans the Universe or there is an invisible umbilical cord that links our blogging neurons. I prefer the Umbilicus Theory though. (Keeping tabs on the Opinion post!) 😉
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HiNaD,
Umbilicus theory it is. As for the opinion post, it will be for next week. Inspiration is driving me to another part of town.
Le Clown
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Hmm, now I’m intrigued.
(A clown inspired could be a dangerous/amazing/laugh attack-inducing thing.)
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Hi Jenn, I’m 31 and have gained a lot of sense through the pain of living out my turbulent twenties years. So at this point I seem to relate better to sensible people. But most sensible people, I find, have trouble having fun because fun isn’t usually a sensible concept. It’s not always doing the right think that keeps people from having fun, in fact real fun only comes from doing the right thing all the time. The trouble is the fact that the intellect and ego can’t sing or dance. Great post, love
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You know what I dread, Sue? It’s what if my life plays in reverse and I start as sensible and end like a bum as I grow older. But nah, I’ve rather grown tired of worrying my ass about the future. It’s a habit I’m willing to let go of honestly.
“The trouble is the fact that the intellect and ego can’t sing or dance.” That’s got to be one of the most quotable lines I’ve encountered recently. Very true, friend. Very true.
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Ugh. When I was 21 someone told me that I was really wise and all that. I wonder if they read my blog now and saw that I have not progressed at all, they’d say the same thing?
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Haha! Well if you haven’t progressed, at least you’re still wise by their standards. But nah, I’m sure they’ll find you a more interesting person than ever before, Ems. If not…bah, to heck with them. You’ve got C after all. 😉
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Do you associate with older people often? When I was 20-21 most of my friends were in their 30s so it made me mature. Then they all died because being in your 30s is really old.
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More often that I would like to actually. How do you like associating with the most unhygienic set of humanity yourself? And thanks for the reminder to update my tombstone inscription, seeing as I’ve got a minimum of nine years left. You are such a great friend.
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I think your freakuality is really appealing.
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Aww you’re wonderful, Smak. And you’ve just confirmed my suspicions of your freakish tendencies. I meant that as a compliment.
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Don’t worry. When you turn 50, everything you thought was true turns out to be rubbish and you can start all over again! Good times!
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I can’t deny my excitement, Lis (will I even reach 50?! haha). But seeing as society thinks people in their 20s are bound to screw up anyway, what do I have to lose? Might as well make the most fun out of making a fool of myself now… 😉
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