I think I think too much. I think when I ought to be feeling. I think when I ought to be sleeping. I think about logical things and non sequiturs alike (sometimes simultaneously). I think I’m using my mind too much. I think I’m sounding like I’m trying to sound smart. But hey, I think I’m about to give my true enemies (potential and present) a fatal weapon to use against me one day.
[Pause, Jenn. Pause.]
What proceeds from hereon would be me entering the password to the account of my self-undoing. Haters, stop falling from your seats!
Have you ever thought about how you are so level-headed about everything it rather scares you? Like, have you ever seen yourself as the go-to person when your friends/acquaintances/family need sound advice on life? Like…always? I do. And honestly? It scares me.
I think I’m suffering from a case of Having Too Much Sense.
And why is that a bad thing? Aside from sounding like a self-proclaimed know-it-all, well it’s bad because I think I’m following the “right” path too much. I’m doing all the right things that maybe, just maybe, I’m missing out on something. You can’t be right all the time (yes, even you, clown)…right? There are people out there who think they always have the right opinions even though all they consider in tackling issues are not all the parties involved but just what would benefit them. Well, I know I’m not that kind. (Is the Irony Bell ringing louder by the second now?) I actually give honest advice after thinking through the matter and considering all parties involved–even if I may lose the approval of the one asking for advice. Yes, I guess it’s a good thing.
But why do I feel like I’m missing out on something?
Why do I have this urge to just shove sense aside and intentionally make “mistakes”? Is it my inner villain/troublemaker/Joker learning to assert itself? Or is this only a case of being young and confused (when, ironically, I just suggested I actually got the gist of it all)?
You know that saying “You are wiser beyond your years“? I happen to get that from others. A LOT. Really, that’s full truth. Aside from making me feel Yoda-esque, well (here it goes) I actually don’t like it! It makes me feel NOT normal, like, like a freak. Hey, no offense to freaks! I love you, guys…
It. Just. Hit. Me. RIght. Now! Why…maybe having this abundance of Sense is my own freakuality. (Freak + Quality? Gettit?) Maybe having a good grasp of the things around me, affecting me, at the abominable age of 21 makes me NOT the little miss perfect I thought (and hated) I am. Because really, who has got their shit together at 21? Who says sensible things at 21? NO ONE! Because that isn’t supposed to be normal, right? I’ve even got a famous saying to back me up, ha! (Young people, go hate me now.)
But then again…I do. I do have lots of that good sense. Hate me for sounding like a stuck-up mother dog but really, I do. I may not like it most of the time, and yet it has made it possible for me to help a lot of people (and myself) get out or avoid going into various mess. AND it’s also my freakuality. So maybe…I’m actually starting to like it this time?
[Stop. Thinking. Already. IDIOT!]
That actually felt good.
Who said online journals suck?