Deflowering a Theory

Those who hang out with me long enough know that I’m rather fond of theories. No, not the academic type. Like yuck? E=mc² means fungus to me. I’m talking about “practical” theories.  I enclosed the practical under those squiggly punctuation because like anything, practicality is subjective. To me, being practical is just like when I’ve learned how to pick my battles. That is a practical skill.

Sometimes though, I totally forget it.

tumblr_m6vmjk40Z91rvzunzo1_500
Typical scene in a playground/Facebook chatbox.

Now theories. See, I have this new theory. I’m sounding like a pretentious fool claiming it as mine when for all I know it has already been said before. But then again, only bona fide fools think like that. Even you if you actually think of that right now. For everything has in fact been already said before. We just keep on rediscovering things, tweaking with them a bit, and voila! We think of these ideas as ours. Well that’s how the world works. We’re all selfish that way.

But without further blah-blah, this is “my” recycled theory:

There are four kinds of people: those who live in the past, the ones who live in the present, and the ones who live for the future. The fourth kind lives in another dimension.

Now let me expand on that using the idiot’s favorite format–BULLETS!

  • Psychiatrists mostly make a living out of the last one. But they are all qualified to be his patients anyway. Even himself. I don’t know why I’m using a masculine pronoun. I must be sexist-masochist.
  • People who live in the past usually includes, but are not limited to: people with terminal illness, Nazi supporters, Republicans, people who use a manual typewriter, historians, your grandparents living in the country, monarchy advocates, Catholics, the villagers in the Shyamalan film The Village, and heartbroken, bitter exes.
  • Those who live in the present are either or all of the following:
      1. -junkies who never had, don’t, and will never have enough money for their junk
      2. -Justin Bieber
      3. -those blinded by their youth/beauty/energy/bank account balance
      4. -those afraid of responsibility
      5. -buddhists, yogis, and other New Age enthusiasts, witches and satanists (pseudo or real) included
      6. -those wanting to escape their pasts but are just as terrified of their future because it might be just the same as their pasts; think Mobius strip.
      7. -those belonging in the Homeless Society
      8. -those still on the recovery phase (of anything at all)
  • The ones who live for the future includes only three types:
      1. Geeks (overly sci-fi fan or not)
      2. -the Oppressed (i.e. war victims, aesthetically-oppressed a.k.a that ugly kid on your mom’s wallet picture 20-or-more years ago, oppressed by gravity’s force a.k.a obese people, Blondes, couples idiotic enough to raise kids, interestingness-oppressed a.k.a Bores, Hippies who say things likeOur vacuous hoarding of stuff is a leash around our necks, a symbol of our insecurities and petty status-envy, while living in this consumer world.)
      3. -the Misanthropes–very giddy to see the onset of Armageddon, this one. As if they don’t see it happening every day yet. Idiots…

Well that’s basically it. As you might have smartly noticed, I have classified humanity and gave us another set of labels to attach to each other. I love us all that much. And because of that, I want to end this with a note to all possible readers, bots and nonbots alike, that if you think I have been politically incorrect (like, I have been obese-ist, family-ist, or other -ist crap) and are wishing to learn my house had been a crashing site for the debris of another failed North Korean missile launch, I have five words for you:

Ain't life a bizarre contradiction?
P.S. The theory has just been updated! It now includes The Fifth Kind. Not much is certain except this group having learned to cross the boundaries of time, dimensions, and labels (ironic as that may sound, but yeah). Are you one of us? I’m still not asking you, idiots.
P.P.S. If you have not yet seen Blindness, please, PLEASE DO. 🙂
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29 thoughts on “Deflowering a Theory

    1. Yikes…is this a trick question? I hate pop quizzes. But okay, assuming I am God I’ll probably let you live somewhere with no knives but with high-speed internet. You’d be safe there. Or you could always hang out with the satanists…it’ll be fun!

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      1. HiNaD,
        You must be a mind reader, I fucking swear, as:
        1) I mentioned Amanda Palmer today in my post and
        2) I will be mentioning my eyebrows Monday in my next post…
        Le Clown

        Like

  1. I’ve thought about something similar before. It’s the 6 things people can talk about.

    1) Your past
    2) Your present
    3) Your future
    4) Someone else’s past
    5) Someone else’s present
    6) Someone else’s future

    Options are so limited. It’s kind of like how there are only two sexes. What do you do when you don’t find your same gender sexually appealing and you find the opposite gender incredibly annoying? I guess masturbate forever, but that’s not my point. The point is there are indeed few options.

    Maybe the best is to live in the present, never forgetting the past, and always striving for the future?

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    1. Tim, I think you’re suggesting we should start coupling with aliens. Or animals for that matter since aliens are a little too smart to show themselves.

      And I’ve “purchased” your book… O-o,

      And I’m with you in the options. That’s probably why I often feel this urge to rebel and make/follow my own path in most things. But older, more sensible people just say I’m just being the typical “young and stubborn idealist”. Maybe they are right. But then…so what?

      Well that last line is probably the best road to take. But…it’s rather simpler when it’s in fine print than when you actually try to live it out. Most of the time I have my sight so far up to the future I totally forget the bounty I have now. You know, like I always need a reminder. Have you seen Blindness? I highly recommend it.

      Do you think you’re going to have kids someday? Random, but well.

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      1. No I have not seen Blindness. I saw this one movie called “Perfect Sense” where everybody loses their senses in the world. I don’t think it’s very much the same, still a good movie though.

        Kids? Me? I actually have a condition that makes it hard to reproduce. And no it’s not a condition like “I’m too awkward around girls” or “I refuse to wear a condom” or something joking like that. That’s not what you asked about though. I would hope at some point I’d have a kid in some form. I can’t imagine being old and not having at least one kid to clean my diaper.

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      2. Why do I want to laugh even when I know you’re being serious with that condition thing? I suck as a friend. Does it have a name? Well, don’t fret. Maybe you’ll live long enough to see robot kids for sale on Walmart. He could wipe your ass with zero whines. Or you could always adopt. But there’s always this danger of adopting a kid with a psychopath gene. Brr. Me though, I don’t know but I can’t even think of having one in the near future. I pity the possible kid just even thinking about him/her now.

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    1. Maybe we could live in the same tent then, Smak. But do you people who live in the now also make plans? I do it a big chunk of my awake time. Some people are annoyed by planners. But it’s something I couldn’t help, haha! Even if I don’t pursue half the things I plan. Talk about conflicts. Ugh.

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    1. Isn’t that one of the horrifying scenes?! I still have scars from seeing that movie myself. I felt like a literal hole while listening to the songs that goes with the credits while staring blankly at the screen after the whole thing.

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  2. Blindness sounds very cathartic, educational, inspirational, and etc. It also sounds disturbing. I think I’ll stick with Transformers for the moment and enjoying these finely astute deductions.

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    1. Hahahaha–it is disturbing if nothing else, I say! It’s one of those movies that forces you to think out of the box. Knowing the little that I know about you, I think you’d like it. 😉 But do reserve anything feel-good (Disney songs, pink bubblegums, chocolate milk shake) to devour afterwards.

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  3. Well love, this is a truly enlightening post. I figure we are all children playing in the back yard until some control freak calls us in for supper, I few of us don’t go and live to write about it, lol Thanks for stopping by my site and leaving your wonderful comment. These days I see God everywhere and in everyone.

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    1. Right, so I didn’t watch it yet because I know it’s going to be another one of those recycled plots from Hollywood’s Guaranteed Blockbusters bin, but I’ll get back to you once I have. 😉 And please let me gain access to your blog! -_-

      Like

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