I am not what certain types of people would call approachable–I learned that as early as kindergarten. Earlier this day, a guy tried to talk to me on the ride home; nothing important, just small talk and the attempts of getting my number. This happens to me a lot. It doesn’t point out how much of a looker I am, because I’m not, but rather how much I attract creeps. Basically, it’s because of the uterus-possession thing. Believe me, people will sense it if you have other intentions besides harmless talk. Of course, some people’s purpose behind anything they do is to find a bedmate. I’m not talking about those people. Okay, I’ll include them, but what I’m really talking about is people in general.
The guy tried to start a conversation with this line, “So where do you live?” Ding! That’s CreepAlertNo.1. Seriously–not even a “hi/hey” or a smile or the usual Weather Line? No, you rush to the ‘Where Do You Live’ part. Aside from revealing you have stalker tendencies, you’re also disclosing how you’re so used to getting your way and have not yet met Subtlety. That works for some, but not everyone–especially me. Of course, being a member of society who answers direct questions when asked, I answered him without going into details. Inside my head, I was saying “Please let him stop, please let me look like I don’t want to talk, like I found something disgusting, particularly him…”
Then he asked, “You really live there? Where in particular?” HE. WANTS. DETAILS. That’s absolutely CreepAlertNo. 2. I mean, come on, if you really want to talk, don’t start off by asking too many personal details–especially about where I live! Are you not familiar with horror/suspense movie plots? I am. It’s enough to make any sane person paranoid to divulge their addresses to complete strangers, much more to strangers who look like you. Let’s be honest: looks do matter. You don’t have to look like Chris Evans to want me to talk to you (but I’d love it if you do). All I’m asking is for you to be somehow hygienic and not make the world a dirtier/smellier place because you exist.
And it would also help if you wouldn’t have CreepAlertNo. 3 a.k.a Being a Pest.
I didn’t mean that to be police-ist or anything (well, maybe I do…). Anyway, that question made me rush into my room when I got home, stare into something, and ask: “Mirror, mirror on the wall, do I look like a fucking policeman’s wife at all?”
I despaired. I don’t mean any offense, honestly, but my mental image of a policeman’s wife would be a serious looking missus way older than the jeans and shirt, flip-flops-wearing me. (yes, I stereotype). Maybe it’s my glasses? Specs make most people look older. But then I saw The Ring. On my left hand, you could always see a watch and a ring on the ring finger, you know, the “Wedding Ring”. Ha! So that was what gave him an idea I could be married, why to a policeman I don’t know. Maybe he just thought policemen marry young girls if they could (yes, I just called myself young).
I wouldn’t blame him for it though.
To sum it up, if you want to make a conversation with anyone at all, try to: 1.Look “safe”/like you’re not a crackhead out on a stabbing spree. 2. Look for the right person to talk with; someone who looks like he/she might be interested, not someone with headsets on. 3. Don’t start anything without a smile or a ‘hi’ or something generic/casual first, idiot–90 percent of the things in this world is Foreplay. 4. If all else fails, don’t be a pest, and go look for your next victim.