The Blog Post of REBELations

(Children, what business are you doing here? But read if you want. I’m not your saggy mother.)

Families are such a pain. Everyone knows that. Only robots would deny that. Do robots even have families? I wonder when they’d invent robots that are actually capable of reproduction. People do it. Animals do it. Plants don’t have sex with each other. Let’s see you rebuff that.

This is NOT proof that plants can bang each other. Do not be deceived.
This is NOT proof that plants bang each other. Do not be deceived.

Robots would deny hating their families because they make the most perfect sets there are. That’s because every family member is perfect. If you’re the unlucky one who has this dent on one side of your chin then fear not because the rest of your family will just kill you, and from your remains make the most perfect set of ultra-modern furniture. Why do robots dispose of each other too easily? That’s because there’s less gore involved. You cannot say the same thing about humans. Gut one man’s stomach enough to have his intestines spilling out and you’ll know why. You think intestines are cramped inside your body for no reason? They’re shit vessels. Opening up a person’s body is STINKY business. That’s one thing horror movies don’t tell you. Trust me, I know. You’re welcome.

Look at how much they want to kill each other.
Look at how much they want to kill each other.

Another reason why robot families are so great is because they don’t get nasty diseases. Only injuries. “Mom, my thumb hurts. I think it’s broken.” Robot mom will just chop it off and replace it with a new one. “Mom, my thumb hurts. It’s turning blue. I think I got tetanus.” “What?! Oh, my poor, poor, baby…” See? That’s just an injury and humans can already get so worked up and resort to hysterics instead of just solving the problem. It’s embarrassing. And when one family member gets sick, all the remaining cast are often affected. Just imagine what would happen if Timmy gets this actual disease called Filariasis. “Mom, my nose is getting bigger. And longer. See, I can touch it with my elbows! Cool!” Human mom will take one look at you and either collapse or start thinking it was elephant semen that got its way inside her.

Dad would kill himself because an elephant fucked his wife. Twin sister would realize her thighs would always remain as it is because of her elephant DNA. Boyfriends would never do the famed 69 with her for fear of breaking their necks or dying of asphyxia. This would depress her and she’ll choose to follow dad to the grave. Humans are idiots and idiocy grows at a vast rate in numbers, especially if brought about by genetics. Humans should NEVER form blood-related families or any families for that matter just to cut the risk. It’s difficult to change your genes too so there’s no way around it. But humans are too much of an idiot to realize that.

Poor Timmy.
Poor Timmy.

Robot families are the best families too since they all exist in nuclear form. Nuclear families are very rarely composed of more than ten members. If one robot wants to cut ties permanently, he only has less than ten members to kill. Or deactivate. Or whatever it is you call robots do to stop the existence of another robot. On the other hand, humans have all ridiculous types of families from extended to communal to et cetera, et cetera. It’s a crime to have a family that big. It’s CRAZY!

Look, it’s already a challenge to try and get along with your direct blood kin, how much more if you’re compelled to be civilized (a very difficult skill. Civilization is merely an invention of scared human weaklings to prevent being eaten by the brutish caveman next door.) to your bossy, know-it-all, bag-of-wrinkles of a grandmother? Or your psychotic aunt who has interreligious gods as her imaginary friends? Or that second-degree uncle who believes families exist so that you have someone to pay for your debts or save your ass while you waste your life away being a jobless, cocaine-snorting, excreta of society? Tell me that’s NOT crazy and I’ll voodoo you until you think your tongue is a big, slimy worm trying to get inside your body so that you’ll pull it out yourself and chop it into pieces. Ha!

The reason why asian families suck. UGH. Are they forming their own community? And they all make you think they're happy. DO NOT BE DECEIVED.
The reason why asian families suck. UGH. Are they forming their own community? And they all make you think they’re happy. DO NOT BE DECEIVED.

Robot families are also perfect because they don’t feel emotions at all (sci-fi enthusiasts, bash me now). And they’re also incredibly, supercomputer-smart. Imagine not having to feel any distracting emotions every nanosecond of your entire life! And not even needing an abacus to count the fingers in your mechanical hand! The ability to think like a genius is no different from feeling, really – just minus the hassles. Human families are such a pain because there are emotions involved. Pain is even an emotion – unnecessary shit. Take emotions away from the equation and what do you get? Great. Now you’re thinking. Just because the word equation is mentioned you look from side-to-side, up-down looking for help. That’s how much of an i-di-ot you are. You even take it personally to be called one. Pathetic.

The Perfect Robot Family. Complete with the perfect robot dog in the center.
The Perfect Robot Family. Complete with the perfect robot dog in the center.

I think those are enough reasons to validate my stance: Exterminate human families and let the robots rule the planet once and for all!

Hail robots!

The picture says it all.

Oh, and lastly? The greatest reason why robot families are so very perfect is because of the fact that they DO NOT EXIST. That means humans will continue to breathe polluted air, copulate, merge as families, and make each other’s lives miserable until some freak disease that will make the Black Plague look as simple indigestion consume us all. Except the cockroaches, of course.

OH YEAH!  *fist pump*

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¨¨¨ The third picture is a real, non-edited image of human being whose name is actually not Timmy but Huang ChuncaiIt saddens me how some people would have to endure that much suffering. It kind of reminds us how really cruel life can be if she wants to be. AND serves another reminder why you and I are so goddamn lucky human beings despite our comparably measly whinings, you ungrateful shit.

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18 thoughts on “The Blog Post of REBELations

  1. You said I use the word “dick” too much but in that one paragraph up there you got pretty graphic yourself. You mentioned suicide, 69’ing, and fat elephant thighs. Tame yourself!

    Do you feel better now? Or will a robot family be all that can fix it?

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    1. Haha! I think I really shouldn’t read too much of your blog. It’s you infecting me.

      And I do feel better now. I just needed to let out some steam and I guess it shows. I’m just glad mama doesn’t know this blog exists. The war is STILL going on but at least I can’t see blood being shed. 😉

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    1. When I first used that picture I thought it was edited or from some really funny/gore horror movie. But when I looked further, I found out it was a human being. I started feeling funny then and thought what a horrible person I am for making fun of such a helpless person. I had to share some of my misery, tee-hee. I’m glad you didn’t mind though. Or maybe you did but you’re taking it so nicely. I’m still glad. 😉

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  2. My wife and i ended up being very relieved Peter could round up his investigations because of the ideas he discovered while using the site. It is now and again perplexing just to continually be giving away facts that many some others could have been trying to sell. We really take into account we have the blog owner to be grateful to because of that. Those explanations you made, the easy website navigation, the friendships you aid to engender – it’s got most powerful, and it’s really letting our son and us do think the content is satisfying, which is exceptionally vital. Thank you for the whole lot!

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  3. Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you can do with a few pics to drive the message home a bit, but instead of that, this is wonderful blog. A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.

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