Friendship + Insecurity: An Incurably Unrelenting Muddle

I must have been a weird kid. The first time I can remember having someone I can call as more-than-just-another-dirty-kid from school (no, not a FRIEND yet) was in my third school back in first grade.

The first argument I’ve ever had though was in my first school in kindergarten – that was with a small girl with long, thick, unruly hair coupled with big, accusing, Gollum – like eyes who gave a high – pitched declaration that MY yellow book was hers simply because she has a picture of a frog holding a yellow square something (it’s NOT even a book!) plastered on her back pack. The memory was vague, but the fact that I felt like squeezing and shoving her tight inside the lockers and permanently joining those blabbering lips together, was remarkably clear.

But with great misfortune, a teacher stopped that idea from actualization. I don’t remember how she tore us apart, but I did get my yellow book back. Maybe she did what I was thinking herself.

I couldn’t hope for so much though.

The next events in my life were full of mystery. Maybe my body was possessed by another spirit. Or maybe I just happened to experience what they all call growing up. I gained many acquaintances; a number of what I do consider as friends, and my own share of mortal opponents. But what was common in all those relationships though was the ever persistent, stalking shroud of Insecurity – and though not obvious, it did seem to emanate from all of us.

It has the notorious potential to prevent acquaintances from ever becoming friends, turn mortal opponents into lifetime rivals, and end rather “Timon and Pumba”-esque friendships.

It was a phenomenon not limited to the walls of kindergarten and grade school classrooms, since much heavier bouts of insecurity flooded one from high school to college.

Is it really such an imperishable human trait?

Perhaps.

But worry not, incorrigibly insecure creatures! The cure for such a cataclysm is now available for all – “The Growing Up Capsule”!

It has such indisputable effects that you cannot find one single critic in the international pharmaceutical market. Although, one must sadly say it is a rarity that exceeds the likes of Ali Baba’s cave of gold, the city of El Dorado, or a video of Lady Gaga singing in front of the pope. “The Growing Up capsule” is that rare that even normal, successful 40-year old “man” beings have still failed to uncover its whereabouts.

But yeah, still, all is well. ;p

The Tale of the Stick Man

Once there was a Stick Man who lives in Stick Country with all his Stick Friends.

The Stick Man likes to walk around in Stick Country and stick his nose in all kinds of stick – y stuff.

In one of these nose – sticking hunts, he found a ‘Magazine’ with non – stick-y people on the pages.

He was so jealous of these non – stick-y people and all their shapes and curves that he vowed to do all in his power to stop being stick-y and start being like those magazine people – shape-y.

So he started his non – stick-y quest…

And set out on a journey to “Magazine Country”!

After 48,000 years…

As he entered its gates,

He went back to the gates and saw a sign posted:

And so, with a great incredulity, the stick man found out that the object of his desires…

*The original image of Chloe (girl with the blue-green hair) courtesy of http://lickthestranger.wordpress.com/

“Seed – Planting” on BFFs and Other Oddities

Whoever first said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and related it to parent – child relationships clearly doesn’t know my parents. Fine, that is an exaggeration. I do have some qualities possessed by…

…okay, moving on, ehem, I wanted to share the misfortune that has befallen the pathetic existence of my friend, Joan (sorry, Jo).

Joan had the revoltingly despicable perfect guy (if you’re not picky) for, say, 5 months now until she learned yesterday that he planted his seed on her best friend’s birth canal. I mean, wow, that guy must have secretly hated Joan. Or maybe the male specie just can’t control their hormones upon sight of a flirtatious human being with two protruding frontal milk reservoirs.

But whatever the reason is, I consider it an Oddity.

By definition, an Oddity is something that one either dreads to occur (occur, for it is in fact a calamity. Maybe I should have used calamity on the title. Nah, too lazy for that now…) and if it does it is impossibly difficult to dissect the mystery as to why you have allowed excess idiocy to pop up when you let it happen/did not see it coming.

Well, here is a list of the phenomena I consider as Oddities (in no particular order):

1.) BF planting seeds on BFFs V – zone 

2.) Rents telling you you’re adopted (after you’ve convinced yourself that your chinky eyes are just a manifestation of some psychosomatic disorder rooted on guilt over your porn stash)

3.) The worst hairstyle of the century (yes, on your head)

4.) Darwin’s Theory of Evolution (so obvious, I don’t know why they had to wait for Darwin to patent it)

severe case of hirsutism, folks

5.) Gas explosion in the middle of a sermon (mmm – hm, from your A – hole)

6.) YOUR cat’s reign over the furniture (I am NO guilty in owning a cat – I’ve seen too much of that anomaly)

7.) Herpes (need I say more?)

the way I look on donuts has been changed forever

8. ) Snot – bubble in the middle of laughter (…hopefully not in front of your boss)

Ugh, kids!

9.) Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore being gay (I SHOULD have seen that coming!)

alright, alright, I admit! I’m a POTTERHEAD!

10.) Falling in love (that, dear friends,  is a CALAMITY)

See? this is what I’m talking about…

So there you go, my first ten list of Oddities.That’s it. I’m done here. Now I have to inspire myself.

*All images courtesy of Google search

***P.S. Feel free to add to this list! :p