Squiggly Lines

It started with a drawing.

Sonja’s A Child WIthin.

Check out Sonja’s work here.

Actually, no. It wasn’t even a drawing but a few squiggly lines. But someone loved those squiggly lines, loved them very much, and it was the best thing that happened to them. Because of it, they were given life.

They became Mistyr Dovclothe.

Oh, she wasn’t called Mistyr Dovclothe then. Nobody knows her name before she became Mistyr. But it must have been a happy name, for that was what she was. The first memories she ever had was being loved. That is enough to make anyone happy. She laughed a lot then, too. The littlest things fascinate her. Her life was simple–you know, being made up of an assortment of squiggly lines–but it was filled with wonder, adventure, appreciation, and–you guessed it–love.

Eventually she grew up.

She begun to meet the folks adults already know well. She hoped and expected for the best, then she met Disappointment; a cold and whiny lady, that Dis was. She looked at the people around her and the amazing lives they led. She reached out for she wanted to touch, to be a part of their lives. But then she met Rejection. Where Dis was cold and whiny, Rej didn’t even talk to her. The best she got was a fleeting glance before he turned his gaze, plunking her back in the ignore corner.

But they didn’t stop her from seeing the beauty around her, for it was still there no matter how obscure it has become. She strived hard to find and to create beauty, for some time after meeting Dis and Rej, or maybe in-between, she unknowingly equated beauty with love.

She misses Love. Sometimes she asks herself ‘Where did L go?’ ‘Have I wandered too far that L can never reach me now?’

She wanted to find L, and so she created beauty.

She became Beauty.

Then something took change. She saw Rej less and less, and began meeting new folks. It was Admiration she often saw. At first she thought she has found L at last, for L and Ad looked very much alike. Time passed. And she discovered they have never been the same.

By this time, she and Dis have become close acquaintances. Hanging out with Dis often, she shared more. She gave more of herself to the cold, whiny Dis that eventually she started to become like her.

It was then that she met Failure. She never liked Failure though. Fai always makes her feel that everything is wrong and nothing will ever be right again. She tried her best to avoid Fai and sometimes she succeeds. Sometimes.

I’m not sure when it happened (maybe somewhere between all these things?), but she found The Hall of Mirrors. She had never really looked at herself before. She looked at her reflection, yes, but always as a glimpse. Never too deeply.  Never questioning.

In The Hall of Mirrors, she looked at herself for the first time.

She saw Mistyr Dovclothe staring back at her. Mistyr Dovclothe is beautiful. She is very hard; made up of many different layers–dark shadows, and light ones, and sharp lines, and delicate curves, and much, much more.

Mistyr Dovclothe is a work of art.

But sometimes, sometimes she misses those squiggly lines.

Outpouring of a Troubled Soul: First Attempt

“It’s so much easier to mock everything than to discuss our true feelings.”

I couldn’t have started this better than with the preceding quotation. It was spoken by Ali, a character from Black Gold – a movie that has touched me lately, and led me to this writing.

It led me to yet another staring-at-the-notebook session and from there I have come up with the idea  that the people who suffer most in life turn out to be either of two things: 1.)cynical and depressed individuals; mostly with antisocial tendencies, 2.)the most light-hearted, easy – going people in the world. The former one chose the easier path, the latter chose to go against what fortune, or lack of it, wanted him to become.

No, I don’t have any formal education in Psychology, nor will I claim to have gone through hell and its branches in my twenty years of existence. So there’s no watertight reason why you should believe this. Rather, this is a personal need for me to achieve the balance that is so remote these past few days.

It has been my refuge to convince myself that happiness is what you make out of life and not some destination, nor loot we should all seek to find. Like a hidden treasure we should make all the preparations to discover. And so I try, with ease fortunately, to face life with as light a demeanor as I can manage.

But life is a trickster.

Once you’ve found an effective way to adapt, it then changes its strategies and forces you to doubt people, their intentions, and your whole new outlook on life. Do we really cover up issues that need to be faced when we choose to sweeten it all up with a satirical approach? Is it wrong to focus on the positive side of things and ignore the depressing events around you which there really is little you can do about? Is it a futile feat to try to make a new path different from what most clouded souls follow? Would it do a person better if he tries to live as what society dictates to be a productive individual – one that has a stable job in a stable institution who pays stable taxes in these oh-so-stable governments?

I have already met so many cynics, and I admit I couldn’t blame them for how they’d turn out. The insults, abuses, prejudice, and mockery you could get from the world around you is enough to make one a cold – hearted individual. I used to respond to these people with a temper I would do my best not to come up with again today. But if I dig deeper, I know that what I really wanted was to scream until my larynx dries up from an inch of these people’s faces. Yes, I am not so different as to not possess that violent streak that  every human being was bestowed with from birth.

But I choose not to use it. As long as I can help it.

And yet again, like YOU, I have limitations and that’s why I have written this piece of melodrama. I made a decision to keep this blog with a mood as light as it can be – not to the extent as a 4-year old can relate to because I don’t have that pure a mind.

But yes, like YOU, I am someone who exists, and yet asks what’s the point of all of this.

Image courtesy of http://www.cherrybam.com/sad-quotes.php