Assessing Pulchritude: A Personal Manual

Most of the time, people are just walking blobs of suspicious meat to me–physically, that is. The way I deal with suspicious stuff is that I tend to avoid direct contact as much as possible.This gives me a neutral feeling to people in general. I don’t like or hate complete strangers because it takes some level of familiarity to feel either or that. Or you know, a trigger (like how spitting outside the window of a moving bus would instantly make me dislike you. The feeling escalates to pure hatred if I can feel drops of your disgusting mucus hitting my skin…ugh, let’s not get into that horrid experience again).

However when it comes to attractiveness, I find first glances adequate to form an opinion. Yes, I’m that shallow.  But then everyone is. The first time I look at a person I imagine myself as the ultimate androgyne and judge whether he/she’s: a.) dateable b.) undateable. Yes again, I’m that shallow.

Obviously, datability is as subjective as any preference on this planet (like food, religion, tv show, pooping practices, etc.).  Someone I would classify as dateable might have a face that triggers your vomiting center to go on projectile mode. Personally, the only things that would put me on that mode are those gross coprophilic videos and of course body mutilation. I’ve never really met person whose face could make me want to vomit at first glance. Well, yet.

Now to talk about specifics:

Height

Usually, I tend to be attracted to tall people. That’s because I am really short. I stand at only 5’2″ and wish I’m at least 2 inches taller. People always have that tendency to desire what they don’t have and I’m no different. If you’re a guy and at least 5’8″ or a girl and at 5’6″ up I already consider you tall. Being short doesn’t automatically make a person unattractive though. I’ve met guys who stand at only 5’3″ who I can say have really handsome faces and who are actually branded “playboys”. I don’t think it’s just the face though. It has a lot to do with confidence. But that is not really a “physical” category, so next stuff…

Weight

I am pretty overweight. My BMI is actually 24.92 but that’s just my own self-denial of not actually rounding it off to 25. I am not a bodybuilder or an athlete so you could tell I have a lot of  adipose tissue cushioning my internal organs. And compared to people surrounding me, I am actually fat. Most of them are actually on the thin side, fucking petite Asians. But then like most people I am actually really really vain that is why I am talking about myself when I should be talking about my own preferences. To cut it short, I don’t care what weight a person has as long as he doesn’t look like he’d just drop-dead if he becomes any thinner or he’d have a heart attack the next time he laughs. It’s that simple.

Complexion

I’ve been attracted to all ranges of skin color from white to black to poop-skinned. As long as it’s healthy-looking, then yes I could possibly find you attractive. I’ve never been attracted to a cyanotic person before. I think Edward Scissorhands is absolutely dateable though. I’ve been attracted to Michael Jackson. And we all know his skin color is not that healthy-looking. So yes, I am contradicting myself. This is getting worse, isn’t it?

Face

If you have one nose with two holes, two eyes, two eyebrows, one mouth, visible teeth, and one chin then I don’t think why I can’t be attracted. Unless of course one or more of those is grossly disproportionate with the others. Like, a nose that covers half the midsection of your face gets too in the way before the chance to get attracted starts. Same goes with a mouth that expands almost one-third of your whole face. I’ve seen mouths that big. But maybe it’s just the impression I get because the guy talks too much, opening his mouth too often and too wide he almost looked like he has plans to eat me. And oh, about ears? I don’t care if you have one or two or three. Four would just be too many and zero might prove to be a trouble. I don’t know any sign language other than pointing two fingers inside my mouth. Yes, it means eating–food or otherwise.

***

Those practically sum up the things I look for physically to judge a person’s attractiveness. As you can see, my preferences are pretty achievable. You can even call it boring. Wanting to only date people with celebrity looks means you have to step up and look like that yourself which is kind of high pressure if not downright impossible. I like normal-looking people. Well, in general. I tend to like oddness in people though, especially potential friends and partners. Interesting is better than perfect any day. And besides, who would want to date someone perfect?  You’d feel so inadequate all the time next to that person. I know I would. But then again perfect, like anything else, is purely subjective. Your definition of perfect is not the same as mine so you would probably not agree if I say I am dating a perfect man. He is perfect for me though. It’s all in what you call your compatibility. I guess, really, that’s all that matters when it comes to that so-called “perfection”.

This is what perfection looks like. But of course you're not allowed to see it.

This is what perfection looks like. But of course you’re not allowed to see it.

DISCLAIMER: When it comes to attractiveness, guidelines have the equivalence of excreta basing on truth value. Attraction is a game which breaks its own rules more often than not. Personally, I’d date anyone who has an awesome personality. Fuck pulchritude! Although I wouldn’t say no to a cute interesting person, no. Not in the very least.
3 comments
  1. I tend to like oddness in people though, especially potential friends and partners. Interesting is better than perfect any day.

    Yes. Same here, there is something about someone with a bit of oddness about them. I think it is because I get bored really easily, people just seem to talk about the same old crap all the time, and then someone comes along and breaks the walls of fake smiles and interest with some bizarre opinion, fact or story or maybe its a job they have and that person just seems to glow right there and then, like a little bit of anarchy in a mundane, regulated world.

    Plus you always learn something from them, even if its just really bizarre music, books or films that you would have never known had existed before you met them.

    Here’s to the odd ones.

  2. You know, we are all made of stars. Each and everyone one of us. Blasted, broken, far-flung stars. That’s all we are. And that is everything.

  3. I like sluts that drink beer. You should like guys with loud cars and hair.

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