Obligatory Not-so New Year’s Post

January 2, 2014

1:57 pm

I wish everyone misfortune!

Someone actually forced me to type that, saying he would cut off all ties with me unless I do that which I doubt he’d do because he loves me very much. You can’t just cut off people from your lives that easily. Especially not the pests.

I’m getting side-tracked. This is supposed to be an obligatory New Year’s post.

So yes, it’s exactly 2:00 pm of January 2, 2014 and this is already more than a day late. You don’t have to hear any of my excuses because I really have none. I suck as a blogger and that’s okay. That’s okay, right? Say yes or die!

Good.

Now you won’t hear any resolutions here. Or my plans for my blog. I really have none. This is just my personal internet space which is sometimes not that personal because of stupid bots. Yes, for 2013 bot bloggers have been “following” me at a steady pace.  Ugh really. I seriously think more than half of my blog followers are all bots. It’s funny and annoying. I don’t really get excited if I get new “followers” anymore because most of those people and/or bots don’t follow me as much as they want me to follow back. Well that sucks because I really don’t follow back just because you followed me. Eww. I seriously have to like you. Just like the same way I pick people to hang out with. I’m sorry to be such a snob and disappoint. Nah I’m not. Want to keep it real. Want to keep my relationships real–well, as real as the blogging platform allows.

Actually I’m really glad I started this blog. I made a promise to myself that this would exist for as long as I live. Ha, I know it would outlive me though. That’s cool and not cool at the same time. Cool because my greatness will live on for as long as the internet exists. Uncool because I, a warm and cuddly and thinking human being, am irrelevant compared to a set of codes and formulas and whatever you call those squiggly numbers and words combo that exist behind what you see in the screen.

Okay, I’m side-tracked again.

Well I’m glad I started this blog because of the people I get to meet. Yes, this is about to get sentimental. If you have read until this point it’s time to back out now. SAVE YOURSELVES!!! But yes, I think technology exists because it allows you to meet people you never would have otherwise. Believe me, I’d rather meet friends the traditional way, the touch and invade personal space way. But sometimes, you live thousands of miles away from interesting people and the said method could be so damn expensive to implement. I’d possibly only meet one person I’ve known through this blog before I die. I might possibly do obnoxious things with that person too. Actually I already do. No I won’t go into details. I’m going to tell you though, there’s a lot of spiroism involved. Don’t ask. Seriously.

So yes, hi old bloggy friends! Hello relatively new ones! Bots, fuck you! Let’s keep dumping our own creative (and sometimes not) musings in our own pages and read each other’s thoughts on things and agree or disagree or even kiss each other’s ass. That’s okay.

I like blogging because of the people I get to meet. And for that reason, this blog is going to stay. For better or for worse.

Eww a marriage line.

Now shoo, and wreak havoc for this new year! Live life as if you’re a child set to die at 11:59 pm of 31st December 2014. That would suck because a child won’t really be able to copulate though, or perhaps could but that’s horrible, so you better just live life as you then. As only you can live. Smile. Laugh. Appreciate (yes, you should do this more). Give. Say thank you. And fuck because fucking is wonderful.

Drop by sometimes though. Tell me I’m awesome. Or something. Definitely something.

You’re something, too. Smoochy smoochy.

I’m so shweet it’s disgusting.

14 comments
  1. I was thinking “Why didn’t she reply to my comment I left on this?” but then I remember it was because I read this on the train this morning and didn’t even leave a comment. So really what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry for murdering your entire family out of WordPress rage.

    What’s a Spiro?

    • You’re looking forward to whenever I reply to your comment. You must like me a bit.

      A Spiro is one of the greatest things to have ever existed during this lifetime. I’m telling you, it’s awesome. I’m like, obsessed with it. I think you might like it, too.

  2. Technology might also exist for those devious machines to plot and plan to take us over.

    • Tell me, have you run into some kind of conspiracy blueprint or something? Or have you been intimate with a robot lately?

      • Maybe it was a bad experience with a vacuum cleaner as a young man. Or perhaps I just enjoy theorizing conspiracies.

  3. Page 28 said:

    I never wished you a merry christmas by the way. I must be a bastard.
    Here’s to a new year though! In the very least, I hope it is free of ridiculous natural disasters. Unless those involve cities being buried under cotton candy or pizza or something otherwise delicious.

    …and it’s too late at night for me to tell how bad a ‘joke’ that was. Obligatory well-wishing new years comment is here either way!

    • You must be busy with real life concerns and socializing with non-blogging, corporeal friends to bother greeting your internet ones. Yes, you are a bastard.

      No, you’re not. A well-wishing of being buried in oh-so-heavenly pizza always hits my soft spot. Have you seen that movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs? I’d love that, only the pizza version. As for you, well, um, I wish you more enlightenment and boundless hope and eustress and awesome achievements and love, and if all that fails, well there’s always pizza.

      • Page 28 said:

        Oh I was bowing down to the internet god of sources and citations for my degree instead, I’m afraid. Corporeal friends sound good right now though. So does sunlight. But that’s not for a couple more weeks until this terms over!

        I haven’t seen Cloudy. It stretched my looks-like-a-riding-on-Pixar-but-probably-not-really-a-good-movie limit. I might give it a second thought though. But at least we’ve agreed on something that I can indulge on in the meantime. Here I am wishing for you what I really want. Bastard indeed.

  4. I agree – it is amazing to strike up relationships with people from all over the world. Imagine trying to do that as pen pals!

    • Ha, I know right? It never fails to amaze me how people could have endured the waiting back then. It must have been much more worthwhile and satisfying once you get a long, thoughtful response. Still, I don’t think I’d exchange the internet for that. I rather like Skype…

      • Yep friends move all over the world and just a click on the mouse away – remarkable really….

  5. Almost 90% of my followers are bots. Honestly, they just take up bandwidth. Fuck you bots. Fuck you and die. Okay, time to kiss some ass. Great post. It’s the connections that do land on target that make this worthwhile, and there are many of those, right? That’s the cool part. If I had sex with a robot, I would stick it in the robot’s brain stem. I’m not sure where that came from. But I hope the fucking robot likes it and takes it like a… robot. I’ve been electrocuted twice in my life, not a big deal. I’m still here. I’m still normal. But the next time I see a bot on my site, I am going to fuck it. In the brain stem.

    • Robot sex. Thank you for the mental images. They’re going to last me for quite a while.

      I wonder if you know that the brainstem actually kinda looks like a penis, albeit a weird one.

      • I didn’t know that, but somehow I am not surprised.

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