1. He never takes a bath.
2. He showers daily though.
3. He frowns really well.
4. Back when his life wasn’t yet the miserable wreck that it is now, he used to enjoy sitting on Santa’s lap (his words)
5. He wouldn’t hesitate to score on Malin Fucking Akerman.
6. He has an old man’s left side.
7. He is always tired and angry…
8. …yet he still smiles.
9. Some days he responds to the name Tim.
10. Or Mooselicker.
11. Or Alferd Packer.
12. Or Hottest Man Alive.
13. Or Timmy (he’ll think you’re gross for calling him that. PLEASE call him that)
14. It’s so nice to sit on his lap….well, says Pom Pom
15. This is his favorite picture:
16. He has perfect teeth. It can and had torn through human meat.
17. He shaves his own head for eight years now.
18. Once, he kissed a girl to save her (use imagination here)
19. Jogging, to him, is grosser than Justin Bieber and a Miley Cyrus music video collaboration
20. He’s reaaally smart! Proof? He’s still alive (last time I checked…)
21. He’s reaaally kind! Well, at least he used to be…
22. He’s a writer but says he doesn’t like to be called that. Ink Shitter then.
23. He’s funny as hell with you in it.
24. He gives his loveys treats like FIVE ORGASMS a day. His phone number is **9****9*9 if you’re interested but you can just also contact him in his blog to save me from any trouble
25. Today is his 26th birthday!
26. Last time I checked, and this is the most important thing, he actually seems HAPPY.
If you’re sweet and nice enough to want to give him a birthday present, here’s a nice and easy one: go to his Yahoo contributor profile at this link: http://contributor.yahoo.com/user/1762535/tim_boyle.html and clicking on his articles will give him a few cents for each. So if you know TIm, you really should click on all 56. Come on, it’s not so hard to do, is it?