The Top 10 Reasons Why I Love Fabio Indigo McEvil

10.)HIS SMILE

…that could melt the thickest blobs of fat that constrict the arteries of my heart. (I know I’m shallow. Fuck you.)

9.)HIS FACE

…that seems to scream “You want me in bed with you” and “I’ll always be here for you” at the same time and both are true, too.

8.)HIS VOICE

…which is all I need to hear and my day gets better/I’ll be able to sleep/I’ll grin crazy/I’ll be bothered and my body warms up and you know what’s next.

7.)HE’S SO SMART

…and he’s so good at pretending like he’s an idiot that it’s amusing and impressive and makes me want to fuck him more. I’m such a slut.

6.)HE’S REALLY SWEET AND GOOD

…and not just to me (but especially to me, duh) but to everyone (well, there are always people like Jesse Eisenberg…) and he’s so good at hiding it because he’s also VERY EVIL (read: cunningly evil of the subtlest kind you won’t even notice he’s going to eat you for dinner) but that’s a side effect of being smart. That’s why you really shouldn’t trust smart people. They are very good at being evil with almost no effort at all.

5.)HE’S SOOO LOGICAL

…almost to a fault. I want to say he has no imagination because of too much logic but that’s not true at all. He’s one of the most aesthete and one of the most artistically talented people I know. Okay, I know only 5 people for real, but still…

4.)HE’S SO FUCKING FUNNY

…he should be killed. I’m going to do that soon.

3.)HE THINKS ABOUT ME WHEN HE POOPS

…and he tells/shows me other honest and gross things like that.

2.)HE LOVES ME

…and makes me feel it to the extent that I feel like a liquid, no, gas inside and he does that even if he knows I have kicking feet syndrome and that I mutilate children’s limbs for fun.

1.)HE’S MY SOULMATE

…yes, I used to not believe in that crap but what the hell…there’s HIM.

Now where’s the fucking bucket?!

*pukes*

8 comments
  1. Young, gooey, love. There’s nothing like it. If I could somehow bottle that shit and stock it at Walmart, I’d be typing these words from a balcony on St. Kits instead of under this goddamn florescent light.

    • Quite the contrary, my dear. St. Kitts is a tiny beautiful jewel floating in the Caribbean Sea. Where I’m typing from this very moment, however, is much closer to an insane asylum. And about as pretty.

      • Oooh, right. Sorry for the confusion, I’m still not thinking that clearly right now. You know, gooey and seeing hearts everywhere, ha! If only I could infect everyone with this gooey-ness. I’d infect you if you want some, make that asylum a friendlier place, eh?

        *googles St. Kitts*

    • If you can infect this asylum with enough goo so that the women walking up and down these aisles will be bothered and their bodies warm up to you know what’s next, it would make for a MUCH more interesting day.

      • Hahaha! Nothing like crazy gooey women to brighten up (or terrorize) a man’s day indeed.

  2. Sounds like a real winner. I wish I was as cool as Fabio.

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